i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
