yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
