Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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