u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
