I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
