God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
