there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
