in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
