does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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