maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
