i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Randomize
