giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
