i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
