I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
