I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
