i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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