Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
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He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
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She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
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