Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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