All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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