I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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