opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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