I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
