Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
