I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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