and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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