you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
