Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
please don't ironically join a cult
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
