Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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