Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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