Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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