dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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