Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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