I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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