Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
