i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
