im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
