Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
