these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
So gin and wine won't be happening again
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Randomize
