I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Randomize
