She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
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