I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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