No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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