T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
