I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You have to summon your inner elephant
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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