I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
