ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
