I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
