We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
