I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
