I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
