Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize