My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Operation Purity has been aborted
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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