LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Randomize
