i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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