Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
