i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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