You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
