Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
