Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
