Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
