If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize