so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
A bitchslap is in order.
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