Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
love makes seman taste better
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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