it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
At least life still wants to fuck me.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
