Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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