You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
