I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
