you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
