My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Randomize
