so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
