So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
