apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
