Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
