he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Help. Why am I so naked?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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