Having a random hookup so left but love u
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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