Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
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